I read a lot about happiness. I’ve read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and done my own (it’s fun), I follow and read Arthur Brooks , and I’ve taken Dr. Laurie Santos’ class “The Science of Well Being” (or: this is how to be happy) which is the most popular undergrad class at Yale. Everyone wants to feel happiness. Recently my father asked me what the best thing in the world was. I said Love . He said Peace . The more I thought about this, the more I agreed, while also believing that if you feel peace, it is because you feel love in your heart for all creatures great and small…and this surely, is what happiness is akin to. Yes, I enjoy a good science-y happiness read, podcast, and Mel Robinson reel and discussion as much as anyone. But here’s another suggestion: try writing a psalm. I’ve recently discovered their POWER . And I do not say that lightly. Writing and discussing a psalm’s story structure has transformed my thinking, and therefore, inner peace. My poor children. In the past month, when they’ve expressed frustration or sorrow, I have just had to blurt out…PSALMS ARE THE ANSWER!
A psalm is defined as “an inspired hymn or poem.”
A psalm is different than a lamentation, which comes from a place of sorrow, complaint, or lament. A lamentation can be a psalm, but a psalm, by definition is not a lament. Perhaps the most well known Psalm is Psalm 23 1 , which comes from the King James Version of the Old Testament:
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
I find this pattern so intriguing. We all get stuck in the sinkholes of pain and sorrow. We cannot skip over grief. There are times to sorrow and lament and acknowledge pain. Avoidance does us no good.
But we don’t want to stay in the pain.
How do we actually see the light when it’s so dark? How do we get to the other side?
How do we get to a place where we can praise and feel thanksgiving (step 4)?
Here’s the miracle of it all: by remembering and recalling past deliverance (step 3).
Any happiness guru, psychiatrist, teacher will tell you of the power of gratitude. “List ten things you’re grateful for at the end of every day” or “write down three things your grateful for,” or let’s play “thorns and roses.”
It’s all the same thing. You are REMEMBERING the good things of the past so that you can have hope in the future - that those good things will come around again (another reason to keep a journal or record of good times).
This is EXTREMELY powerful.
Thousands of psalms have been written and recorded as song.
My own contemporary favorites include:
Amazing Grace (this version in particular, is wow!)
Ain’t No Grave (shame is a liar; a remake of the Johnny Cash hit and I love it)
It is Well With My Soul (listen to Hugh Bonneville of Downton Abby fame tell the story of this song and I dare you not to cry…I CAN’T DO IT)
When my sister-in-law, Cassie, died very suddenly and unexpectedly, my uncle Ray started sending me psalms. And when his own son died a few years later, he wrote more. And again last year, during a rough time, he sent me more. They felt like a lifeline (keep writing psalms, Ray!)
Psalms are a lifeline. And we don’t skip to the “everything is going to be okay part” until we acknowledge the distress.
The pattern is simple, though not easy. I’ve started, crossed out, and crumbled up my many attempts in the last month. Mostly because I am extremely judgmental of my own writing.
They are hard because you have to dig deep, and that can feel extremely uncomfortable - but that is also why they are so good.
Here is a writing exercise:
Reach for a pen and begin to write
What or to whom is your introductory cry?
What is your pain, problem, situation, dilemma? (a good time to cry and/or scream).
Remember and recall past deliverance and goodness. It is there - can you see it? Acknowledge it.
The more you start to see, the more you see .
And this is how we get to the praise and thanksgiving.
Isn’t that amazing?
See how this writing exercise makes you feel. Does it have the power to lift you out of discouragement and despair, even momentarily? Where does it take you? What exactly is “the promised land” or “deliverance? Is it peace, metaphorical milk and honey?
You do not have to be particularly religious or even spiritual to write a psalm. The neurologist and writer, Oliver Saks , who once described himself as “an old Jewish atheist”, wrote a collection of essays that was compiled into a book called Gratitude. Look at how he follows the steps of a psalm:
I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude. I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return; I have read and travelled and thought and written. I have had an intercourse with the world, the special intercourse of writers and readers. Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet, and in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure.
There is not an introductory cry to God, but he is clearly writing to someone. Us, perhaps, humanity. There is the problem of fear and death, then the acknowledgement of all that he has loved and received in life, and the end reads to me as a form of “thank you.”
Or, how about the poem “Loneliness” by Mary Oliver? Her introductory cry comes halfway through the poem to Mother earth. The problem is loneliness, but she is able to recall and remember comfort and quickly get to a place of praise.
Dear friends, when you are trying to get past or through the pain, there are a myriad of things that might help. Sleep, moving, nature, nutrition, anti-depressants, therapy, gratitude, food, friends, journaling…
You could also write a psalm.
Because the connection of asking, acknowledging a higher power continually showing up in our stories, and gratitude has boatloads of science (and happiness) behind it.
